Highlights from my non-existant Wikipedia page

1.
Timeline of Garage Bands Jeff has performed with…
Metalurgy (1985 – 1989)
Sidewinder (1986 – 1988)
Unnamed band, working title “The Flaming Homosexuals” (1989 – 1990)

2.
Other Achievements
After much experimentation with various cookies and ice creams, Jeff discovered the combination now widely in use for the chipwich.

3.
Jeff’s penchant for swiss army knives served him well when once confronted by a wild boar in a Denny’s parking lot where, after a brief struggle, he was able to bring down the creature with a corkscrew.

The Wal-Mart Conundrum

I’m always so perplexed at the variety of sleeveless shirt options available to me at Wal-Mart. I’m never quite sure which one best expresses my personality. Do I go with the Nascar, the Budweiser, or simply the “Bad Attitude” print? Maybe I should eschew all the designs and go with a simple solid color. Now I know what women must go through when they have to decide what printing they get on the back of their half-shirt. I don’t envy their decision. Who could possibly choose among such labels as “Princess”, “Juicy”, or “Bitch”. Maybe there should just be 1 unisex shirt labeled “Attention Whore” or is that too subtle? How about one that says “Look at Me! My personality is succinctly summarized by my choice of clothing.” That’s not a bad idea. Cafepress, here I come!

The Costco Paradox

I don't want to sound like Any Rooney, but have you ever noticed that you can buy a 300 count package of Kraft Singles at Costco but you can't get pants with a waist bigger than 36 inches?

That's what I call a mixed message. Love me for who I am Costco. Love me for who I am.